Staying true to oneself, how much does it cost?

Some say, I also don’t want to drink, but the leader asks me to drink, the client asks me to drink, I can only drink; I also don’t want to get married and have children, but my parents want me to have kids, I can only have them; I also don’t want to return to small places, but if I don’t go back, relatives will look down on me, I can only go back; I also don’t want to give gifts at the leader’s house, but they’ve already given me gifts, if I don’t give, I won’t be considered excellent in the year-end review, I can only give. You don’t want to, but you do it all. Whenever someone brings up their frustrations, I say, just not do it, right? They always give various reasons to show that they are forced to do it under circumstances—wait, there’s really nothing in this world that you have to do, it’s just that you don’t want to give up other interests, isn’t that so? You don’t want to be nagged, don’t want to fail to achieve results, don’t want to be unrecognized as excellent, but even if those things really happen, so what? It’s not that you have to, but that you exchange your self through the price of these interests—that’s your pricing of “self.” Older generations are usually more shameless; they think this is “wisdom in dealing with the world,” but actually it’s just because they assign a very low price to their expression of personal will. So it seems that staying true to oneself is just sacrificing practical interests to exchange for emotional value? It’s not that simple; it’s still a form of discipline on the environment—not that the environment must always accommodate you, but that others are used to your principles and reactions in handling matters, and you might unconsciously, through filtering, establish a more suitable environment for yourself. For example, if you dislike superficial socializing, others might exclude you from the core social circle, claiming you are naive or clueless. At this point, you need to understand that it’s not about forcing yourself to fit into that circle, but that the circle might not be suitable for you, and its interests might not benefit you. Your exclusion is the world telling you it’s time to reverse filter—you should exclude them too, and socialize with others who also keep it real; or maybe now isn’t the time for socializing, and being isolated is just right—you can use this time to work hard elsewhere, build your resource moat—perhaps that’s what you should do. There’s a saying: “Fate will keep giving you feedback until you change,” maybe you should achieve results more efficiently elsewhere, then use your resource advantage to offset your “misfit.” After doing this, you might initially face a lot of negative feedback; if your core isn’t stable enough, those who need to be assimilated will be. But if your core is stable enough, your values are firm, and you’re clear about what you want, then perhaps you can gradually change the environment—keep adding and removing people from your social network, and eventually you’ll find that you still behave the same, still have the same personality, still stick to your principles, and do what you think is right. But society will gradually stop giving you negative feedback—not because society is kind to you, but because through your choices in work and social circles, by constantly deleting and adding people, you’ve “transformed” the environment to better suit someone like you, with your values and way of handling things. Those who gave up on themselves long ago may seem to gain short-term benefits in one or two things, but the longer they stay in their original environment, the more tightly their interests are bound, and the deeper the impressions and expectations others have of them. The resistance to reselect the environment or way of life becomes greater, eventually turning into “a little self-expression will lead to harsh criticism.” So it’s not that giving up short-term interests means choosing emotion; sometimes staying true to oneself is just a long-term filtering of the environment—you believe what’s right, willing to follow the “right” path, even if you lose some benefits in the short term. You hope your peers recognize you, one or two, until everyone around you is like that, and then you won’t have to choose between interests and staying true to yourself anymore.