It’s so sad, the crypto circle today...

Forget it—I've been in the circle for 7 years now (since 2019)... I just paid off about $30k in online loans (paid off Meituan and Jieda, Huabei, and my credit card). Also, I kept a few thousand as spending money... Now I still have about ten thousand-something dollars left.

As for profit, it turns out the “profit” was the airdrop that metawin sent out yesterday. I went and shuffled to bet on slots and hit a big multiplier, earning a few thousand U. Of course I’m not encouraging everyone to go play on sites like this... But I’ve also lost several tens of thousand U before and after.

Then the two rounds with Bsc and Robinhood also cost me a few thousand U (otherwise I could have paid back more). What I can’t stand is... I ended up making money/losses by “gambling”... It was real, real gambling—not “trading”...

Too sad—I feel like I’ve completely fallen into being a gambler. 😭🫠

Anyway, I keep imagining that there’s a group of little kids playing in a huge wheat field. A few thousand, or hundreds of thousands, of kids—there isn’t a single person around. Not a single adult—I mean—except me, standing right there on the goddamn cliff edge.

My job is to stand guard there. If those kids run toward the cliff, I grab them— I mean, the kids are all sprinting, they don’t even know where they’re running to. I have to come from some place and catch them. All day long, I do stuff like that.

I just want to be a guard in the wheat field. I know this is a bit far-fetched, but what I really like doing is exactly that. I know it’s not right.

This is the last passage of J.D. Salinger’s The Catcher in the Rye. I feel like the crypto circle also needs such a guard—who should do it?

Someone who’s lost enough to quit the circle, but still has feelings for this industry.

Sometimes I just feel so exhausted with it—maybe that’s not it...

Maybe the nature of life is the combination of desire, pain, and life itself. Laozi’s Tao Te Ching says, “Mankind’s greatest peril is having oneself as the body.” So once you have a body, you’ll have all kinds of desires. And according to Schopenhauer’s philosophy, once you have desire, you go after it—pursuit itself is pain. If you pursue but can’t get it, of course it’s pain. Even if you do pursue and get it, and then you’re satisfied, satisfaction turns into boredom, and boredom is also a kind of pain...