Why do so many of life’s pains come from things we once had? In fact, pain does not come from possession itself, but from the identity and expectations that arise after you’ve owned something. When something has been present in your life for a long time, you’ll unconsciously treat it as part of yourself. After you lose it, what is taken away is not only that person, that relationship, or that opportunity—but also the life and future you once believed in. So, much of life’s suffering, though it seems to come from loss, actually comes from those things you once had, which have long since become you yourself.