Orderly societies maintain boundaries through rules; jungle societies maintain boundaries through costs. The weaker the rules are, the more people need to constantly prove that they have the ability to create costs. In many conflicts, people’s greatest misjudgment is to treat power issues as cognitive issues and boundary issues as communication issues. You think both sides are discussing right and wrong, but the other side is actually judging strength. You think you’re making a rational argument, but the other side is actually testing the cost. So people keep explaining, proving, and persuading, yet they never receive respect. Don’t try to teach a tiger to eat grass, and don’t try to prove to predators that you deserve to be respected. Respect is never won through persuasion; it is formed through repeated enforcement of boundaries. Boundaries are not announced into existence; they are learned by others after repeated probing, when they are forced to learn. When rules fail, the weight of language decreases, while the weight of costs increases. Ultimately, what determines the order of a relationship is not what you say, but what others believe will happen after you cross the line.