Do you often do this? When buying a drink, you always pick it out first, then open the fridge door, and close it immediately after you take it out. When handing over scissors, you point the sharp end toward yourself. When someone washes your hair, you instinctively lift your neck, wanting to make it easier for them. When ordering at a restaurant, you wait until the waiter comes closer before waving, rather than calling loudly from far away. When passing through a narrow crowd entrance, you’re used to turning sideways so others can go first, afraid of blocking them.

The same behavior may have completely different reasons behind it. Some do this because they understand respect for others and are willing to take one more step for them. Others do it because they fear guilt, fear that others will be unhappy, and fear being disliked. On the surface, it may look like there’s no difference, but the inner driving force is entirely different.

Goodwill itself isn’t the problem—the issue is where it comes from. Truly healthy kindness isn’t driven by fear of losing approval; even if you don’t need to prove anything, you still choose to respect others and be considerate of others. That isn’t flattery—it’s upbringing. It isn’t fear—it’s choice.