Everything on this planet must be wrapped; food is wrapped in packaging, the human body is wrapped in clothes, inferiority is wrapped in testimony, desire is wrapped in desire; all things must be hidden, wrapped with each other. The language and objects people show to others besides themselves all have their purposes, but no matter who it is, subjectively, they want to prove certain good things in their cognition, thereby wrapping themselves with more good labels and gaining benefits on physical and spiritual levels.

A clear purpose-oriented framework makes me uneasy, always on edge, often regretful.
Kindness also makes me think: am I doing it to satisfy spiritual interests, to boast about my lofty achievements? There's nothing wrong with that.
Giving a rose to others leaves a lingering fragrance on the hand. Am I ultimately hypocritical or noble? The concept of virtue is learned through education; no one is desireless. But reputation is habitually and implicitly defined as an extra reward, actually from the moment of doing good, expecting or more or less hoping for praise, praise, or rewards. At least I admit, I have desires.
Desire splits me—hypocrisy, shame, richness, insignificance.
Do I have enough courage to write a confessional like Rousseau?
But specifically, I still believe that even Rousseau more or less actively or passively embellishes, justifies, and proves himself. But compared to most people in society, he is already enough to be a more saintly person, regardless of the motivation behind his actions.
Being guiltless is truly too difficult. If it becomes a belief, recalling that humans, even children and infants, lie, act spoiled, throw tantrums to achieve their goals, is enough to make me sad. As long as I live, there will always be selfish and insincere moments. Is that the condition that produces my excessive harshness and guilt?
Is human nature perhaps from the moment of birth, from the embryo in the mother’s womb, from the first breath when the egg and sperm meet, all the air inhaled is contaminated with the complexity of the entire world? Do we have to accept mastering all the dark rules to gain more tangible benefits?
One-sidedly speaking, because of fear, difficulty accepting that oneself is not a gem, and actively lazily or passively avoiding the hard work of reflection.
And because some believe or are willing to hypnotize themselves into thinking they are a gem, unwilling to admit they are just debris in a river. This is one of the sources of my anxiety.
I understand that philosophy indeed makes people more and more doubtful and self-enslaved the more they read. But my laziness helps me control myself.
I use solitude to reflect, repent, meditate, reaching for the brightness I admire.
I realize that many times I am still not frank enough, including whether I am too strict in finding reasons for myself—these have become justifications for self-embellishment.
When it comes to the heart, there are no perfect people in the world. Testing the heart’s demons—does this, to some extent, prove that human nature is inherently good? But for Buddhists, demonic nature is heart demons; for demons, Buddha nature is heart demons. Regardless of the perspective, any attachment introduces variables.
Is evil born from itself or passively invaded? To get to the root, all matter and non-material things in this world are not pure; they are not simply black or white.
I hope you and I can gradually find a better balance between guilt, self-destruction, and self-reflection. Thinking of this, a chaotic yet orderly image appears in my mind.
I should be a good person because I lack enlightenment, and I am willing to face, admit, oppose, reduce, and restrain my dark side. Instead of justifying or refusing to discuss it.