Recently, I’ve been thinking about a question: why are some people always getting bullied and taken advantage of, while others can control the situation? I’ve observed it for a long time, and I’ve realized it has nothing to do with luck from the start—it’s because they made the wrong move right at the beginning.

A lot of people aren’t actually timid; they just don’t dare to show, at critical moments, that they have boundaries. The more you keep yielding without limits, the more others will test you. Just like short sellers in the market, they’ll keep probing to see where the support level is. Once they notice you have no defense, they’ll only push harder.

I’ve found a pattern: most people are very polite when they first meet, because they don’t really understand each other yet. But in every interaction, the other person is secretly testing your temper. If you seem too soft, too easy to talk to, they’ll gradually raise their demands. In the end, you get fixed into the role of “someone who’s easy to bully.” Once that pattern sets in, it’s much harder to change.

So my approach now is this: even if the other person jokes in a gentle way, as long as it makes me uncomfortable, I’ll stare at them expressionlessly, so the atmosphere instantly freezes. This isn’t rudeness—it’s letting them know: I have principles, and I’m not someone you can push around. Through this kind of psychological standoff, the other party will understand that they need to keep their distance and mind their boundaries when dealing with me from now on.

Your position in other people’s minds isn’t built by simply being nice to them. A lot of people get this backward. They think that endless retreat and concessions will earn respect—but it’s actually the opposite. Any long-term relationship ultimately comes from the other person’s awe and respect for you, not from your submission.

There’s one detail that’s especially crucial—don’t let people easily command you. At first, someone might ask you to just shut the door, or to pour a glass of water as they please; it looks like something trivial, but it’s really testing how much control they have over you. If you say yes again and again, their demands will keep getting more and more excessive. Finally, you turn into a naïve doormat who’s getting used, and the other person still won’t be grateful.

When refusing someone, either find a reason or follow the principle of value exchange. For example, if they ask you for help, you can say, “Sure—then you do something for me first.” If they refuse, then your refusal gives you a legitimate reason too. The key is to be firm in tone—don’t waffle, and don’t read their face.

There’s also a deeper realization: why do some people always end up being bothered? Usually it’s because they’re too kind. You can be kind your whole life and seem like you get along well with everyone, but the price is that you have to keep paying to maintain it. I used to be like that too, until I discovered a harsh truth: if you help someone a hundred times, and on the hundred and first time you don’t, they’ll treat you like an enemy.

People who aren’t as kind, on the other hand, tend to live more clearly. They know how to say no, how to ask for what they want, and when to get angry. They have strong friends around them, because there are boundaries between people.

So my principle is simple now: always put yourself first. Nobody cares whether you take their feelings into consideration—everyone only cares whether your words and actions involve their interests. Don’t maintain meaningless socializing; it’s just wasting time.

From now on, when faced with choices, step forward. If you want to do something, go do it. If you want to flirt, go flirt. If you want to take a path, go take it. Even if you fail, you don’t really lose anything—because you didn’t truly have anything to begin with. Stop asking whether you’re worthy or not. As long as you dare to pursue what you want, you deserve many beautiful things in this world.

One last point—clearly set your own bottom line. Block anyone who doesn’t pay back money they borrowed. Stay away from people overflowing with negative energy. If someone dares to bully you, knock them down immediately. Don’t be anyone’s emotional trash can. Remember, you don’t have to please anyone. The 99% of people around you—you can afford to offend them. And those you can’t afford to offend don’t even have the time to deal with you. So instead of being timid and trying to please everyone, treat each person with principles.