I don’t know how to describe this market—it’s not for me. It’s just not for me; I’m not suited for trading. Maybe I was never suited to it from the beginning. I may have been trading for a few years already, but I still haven’t managed to pull myself out. I don’t stick to my own discipline. I want to make money in this market, but my understanding isn’t enough, so I sink deeper and deeper. Every day, I’m just playing around—I’m not putting my mind into it. When I’m wrong, beating myself up wouldn’t be unjustified. But when I make money, I think it’s because of my own ability, and I end up getting overly confident. That’s why I’ve never truly reflected on myself.

I really just don’t fit this—truly, I don’t. Trading depends on understanding emotions and grasping the market. But instead, I keep waiting for that tiny bit of surprise, or for impossible fantasies—imaginations that can’t really come true. So once I get stuck and trapped in a position, I think about adding more rather than considering whether I made a mistake and whether I should cut. Between losing a little and losing a lot, I chose the latter.

Sigh, it’s really hard to deal with.