The most unstable relationships are maintained by fear. They seem tight, but in fact control is contracting. Truly stable relationships are not about fearing loss, but: having a choice, yet still choosing. Distance can make people sober, but relationship upgrades do not come from leaving. They come from a harder thing: after seeing clearly, whether you are still willing to draw close again. The problem with many relationships is not that the pain is not enough, but that only "pain" is driving them.

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