Maybe even if one day I truly achieve my so-called life dream—if I really get to the point where I talk to my two-dimensional anime “ideal type,” if I really make it to Orlando Disney—maybe it’ll just be like that... It seems like the fantasies in my head are still just like that. Maybe it’s better to always keep them in the “always looking forward to” stage. It’s like, no matter what country I switch to, I’m still the same me—and I still can’t do anything about it... I still can’t handle my interpersonal relationships, work, my career, my family (which I don’t even have yet). I feel like I’ve managed to turn all of those into a total mess. Even if in the future, in my lifetime, I get a one-way ticket to Mars on Old Ma, or if I make it in crypto—earn a10 in the crypto world—I’m still afraid of death. I’m still only wanting sweet, sweet romance... It’s so suffocating.