There's something I've thought about for a long time, and the more I think, the clearer it becomes. Do you know? Many people suffer losses in social relationships not because they are kind, but because of that inherent cowardice.

I've discovered a pattern. When you first come into contact with someone, everyone is quite polite, and neither side understands each other. But after that, every interaction is actually a test. They are testing whether you have a temper, whether you have boundaries, whether you are someone easy to control. If they sense that you are timid and lack principles, they will only push harder. They will gradually advance until they fully understand you. Once a pattern of "they are strong, you are weak" is established, it becomes difficult to change.

So many people ask me why, the more they are kind to others, the more others become presumptuous. Honestly, that’s not really your kindness at fault; it’s that you lack the courage to defend your principles. You have no bottom line, or you have a bottom line but dare not uphold it. That’s the real problem.

I’ve seen too many people repeatedly exploited because of cowardice. At first, others casually ask you to close the door, pour a glass of water, and you agree one by one. And then? The demands get more and more, and they become increasingly unreasonable. In the end, you become a doormat, unappreciated, and instead, they take even more advantage of you, not treating you as a person at all.

Changing this situation isn’t actually difficult. The first step is to learn to look the other person straight in the eye without expression. As long as their jokes make you uncomfortable, even if you don’t retaliate, you should make the atmosphere instantly tense. Let them understand that you have boundaries, that you are someone with prickles. Through this psychological game, they will realize that in the future, they need to be careful with their words when talking to you.

The second step is to learn to refuse. Refusing isn’t your fault, and you don’t need to over-explain. Either find an excuse with a firm and concise tone, avoiding hesitation, or follow the principle of value exchange: I help you, but you have to help me. If they refuse, you have plenty of reasons to refuse them too. The key is not to look at others’ faces when refusing—that’s true courage.

The third step is to stop giving endlessly. Helping once doesn’t mean you help them for a lifetime. What kind of logic is that? I’ve seen too many people help others their whole lives, only to be regarded as enemies in the end. Because they didn’t help the hundred and first time, they are resented. And what about those who aren’t so kind? They have solid friends around them. They know how to refuse, how to ask for things, and how to give appropriately.

There’s also an important thing called aura. Walk with steady steps, turn your head slowly but precisely. Maintain gentle yet firm eye contact, without avoiding or immediately looking away. When speaking, drop filler words like “uh,” “ah,” and keep your speech moderate and clear. These details will make others feel that you are calm and powerful, not timid and easy to bully.

Finally, a suggestion: start changing your pattern of choices from now on. In the past, you always avoided; now, stand up and face it. Approach people you want to strike up a conversation with, make that call you’ve been hesitating on. Even if you fail, you lose nothing because you never truly had it. This shift in mindset will thoroughly eliminate that cowardly aura from you.

Remember one thing: any long-term relationship isn’t built on your submission, but on others’ respect for you. Truly meaningful friends are also won through your principles and boundaries. Don’t let others manipulate you anymore. Starting today, be someone with a temper.