【Urgently Seeking a Company to Take Over the Project Across the Entire Network】

My job requirements:
Official employment, top-tier social insurance and housing fund contributions, an annual salary of no less than 4 million, support for fully remote work, flexible working hours (preferably not much work), standard ergonomic standing desks and chairs, comprehensive training upon hiring, clear promotion channels, ideally only work 4 days a week, stable emotions when assigned tasks by leadership, even if the project fails, no anger.
My core advantages:
Rich experience (not young but have done everything), in my twenties (in my prime), extremely high attendance rate (never lying at home), healthy (never been in ICU), good at typing (keyboard clicks loudly, no changes in documents), highly motivated (handing over the pen when the boss draws a pie, watching colleagues slack off), broad vision (daily browsing trending searches), full of passion (shouting Nice during lunch break playing King of Glory), meticulous (can see clearly who is shifting blame in the group chat).
Urgently need a company with keen insight that will immediately send me an offer.