My childhood friend is carrying a body at the funeral home.

He has been doing it for two years, and he says he has learned to hold his breath.
It's not holding his breath, but holding back his expressions.
The family members are crying their hearts out, but he can't cry.
The family members curse the funeral home for being greedy, but he can't curse.
The family asks him to handle it gently, but he can't explain that it's the weight of the ashes.
I asked him how he copes with it, and he said: "Play games at home.
If I lose, I curse my teammates.
My teammates are online friends, they can't hear me."