Recently, I’ve been pondering a question: why are some people always bullied and manipulated, while others can earn respect from others? I’ve found that the root cause is actually very simple—just two words: cowardice.

It’s not that you are born cowardly, but that you show cowardice in your interactions with others. When you first start to back down, the other person begins testing your bottom line. When you compromise repeatedly, they confirm that they can control you. For example, when you first meet someone and they casually ask for a small favor—like pouring a glass of water or bringing something—they seem harmless, but in reality, they’re testing you. Once you agree, the demands will grow more and more, increasingly unreasonable. Eventually, you become their tool, and instead of being grateful, they take advantage of you even more.

So what’s the key? It’s to make the other person understand that you’re not a pushover. I’m not saying you should become a bad person, but you need principles and boundaries. If someone’s joke makes you uncomfortable, even if you don’t retaliate, you should look at them with a straight face and remain expressionless, making the atmosphere tense instantly. Through this signal, let them know you have boundaries. Many people think long-term relationships come from submission and concessions, but that’s not true. Real relationships are built on others’ respect and awe for you.

This involves the art of refusal. Many people try to explain themselves when refusing others, but the more they explain, the more they seem to have a problem—as if not helping them is your fault. In reality, refusing doesn’t require many reasons; a short, firm statement is enough. “I’m busy right now,” “I have other plans,” with a decisive tone—don’t stammer. More importantly, when refusing, don’t look at the other person’s face to gauge their reaction; this shows you have confidence.

Another psychological tactic is to maintain a sense of mystery. If everything you say is clear and transparent, others will think you’re easy to manipulate, like clear water—lacking depth. Learn to use words like “seems,” “maybe,” “I’m not sure either,” to keep people guessing about you. Alternating between certainty and uncertainty makes it unnecessary for others to extract information from you.

Ultimately, many people fall into cowardice because they are overly kind. I used to think helping others was a good thing, but I later realized that those who are always helping tend to have bad endings. Helping once means helping for a lifetime; if you don’t help the hundredth and first time, they might see you as an enemy. On the other hand, those who are less kind often have solid friends around them because they know how to refuse, how to ask for things, and how to give appropriately.

To change your cowardly state, start by putting yourself first. When faced with a choice, shift from avoidance to standing up. Do what you want to do, approach who you want to approach, make that call immediately. Even if you fail, it’s no loss—after all, you never truly owned anything in the first place. Also, be clear about your bottom line: block someone who doesn’t pay back a loan, stay away from negativity, and if someone tries to bully you, fight back directly.

Another very important point: stop worrying about whether you are “worthy” or not. There’s no such thing as being worthy or unworthy in this world. As long as you dare to pursue actively, many beautiful things are worth having. Walk with steady steps, speak with a calm tone, control your expressions consciously—don’t show happiness or anger on your face. These details all send a signal: I am a person of strength, I am not cowardly.

Finally, I want to say that not all relationships are worth maintaining. Unmeaningful socializing is a huge waste of time. What truly matters are those relationships built on mutual respect and awe. Instead of maintaining a hundred superficial connections, it’s better to establish a few genuine ones. That’s the wisdom of life.