Some people remain immersed in a victim narrative for years, complaining to everyone they meet and repeatedly emphasizing how unfortunate and how difficult their lives have been. Their suffering may all be real, but what truly deserves caution is not how much hardship someone has experienced, but how they deal with it: some people become more independent and restrained after going through hardship, and better able to understand others; others turn their suffering into a moral entitlement—because I have suffered so much, you should understand me, help me, and accommodate me. If you sympathize with them once, they will expect it a second time; if you help them ten times, the eleventh time may become your obligation. When someone becomes accustomed to using their misfortune to demand things from the world, the more help they receive, the more likely their boundaries are to disappear. In the end, they may even resent you for no longer continuing to satisfy them. So, do not automatically conclude that someone is worth forming a close relationship with simply because they have suffered greatly. To truly judge someone, look at whether they are taking responsibility for their own fate or using it to collect a debt from others. The former can be helped; with the latter, the best approach is often to keep your distance.