I only realized at the very end when I liquidated everything that the most hidden leverage in this game wasn't on the market, but embedded in my own life. I thought I was just placing a few trades, but in fact I had unconsciously mortgaged those steady days, my parents' expectations, and her tears that she shed. The candlestick charts pushed my dopamine threshold to an abnormal level, making me numb to all the ordinary warmth in reality. In the end, the Federal Reserve released hawkish signals, and my dreams shattered into pieces. Turning around, the girl who was full of my eyes had already left, and I could hardly keep up with the concern my parents offered. I always thought I was battling against the house, but in truth I was just a lunatic, using the most sincere feelings of human nature to exchange for a bunch of meaningless bubbles. When I shifted my focus to the market, I had already lost.