Handing over money to your other half to manage is a bad habit

Note: what I’m talking about is managing, not spending. Some couples are so tight that even their living expenses are stretched; in that case, one partner turning over their paycheck to the other—who is responsible for household spending and purchasing decisions—really isn’t a big problem. At most, the home buys a little more of what each person prefers. When income barely covers expenses, it hardly matters who spends the money; there’s no real freedom in that kind of “decision.” But if this rises to the level of “a man must turn over his income” or “a man who gives his salary card to his wife to manage is a good man,” then it’s wrong. Because in this society, it doesn’t seem that when women are the economic pillar, people would say, “A woman’s card should be turned over to the man who handles logistics to manage, and that makes her a good woman.” And this doesn’t consider the size of the money at all: someone earning 10k yuan a month—can be said to be barely enough for expenses; but someone earning 1 million yuan a month—does that mean that if he doesn’t hand it over, he’s not a good man? This kind of argument, without realizing it, creates a form of moral coercion; you could even say it’s a bad habit. Every adult should have a kind of ability: “the ability to retain control over one’s own assets.” This applies not only to your other half, but also to your children, parents, and friends. No one is allowed to go beyond your control over your assets. Do children’s education require spending? Buy them a house? Show filial piety to your parents? Let your spouse manage it? None of this is a given. For every matter, you have the right not to do it; no one can cross that line. If it’s something you can choose not to do, then as long as you don’t spend that money, you’re not in the wrong. Of course, some people are inherently “unable to manage anything,” regardless of gender—whether they’re the ones paying money or the ones receiving it—their adherence to this path doesn’t really matter. Anyway, the difference isn’t that big. So they might even feel that because they follow this path, the household is quite harmonious, and they also seem to gain some extra emotional value, which makes them think the path is right. They become supporters of this path and of the bad-habit idea mentioned above. But the truth is that their situation doesn’t show the “ugly side” of the bad habit precisely because it isn’t about “asset management.”

Athletes like Zou Shiming, and some coder types focused on technical work—of course they’re not stupid. But because they’ve spent a long time in environments cut off from the real world, they end up with many misjudgments about the world. When interacting with the opposite sex, they’re also more easily swayed by emotional manipulation and moral coercion—not just with the opposite sex. You’ve also seen how they deal with their mother-in-law: they get disciplined by certain ideas, like “that’s an elder, and you must absolutely not go against it.” But the reality is that the person across from you is just an ordinary older woman. What elder? Mother-in-law? If I acknowledge you, you are the elder.

In the early stage,冉莹颖 ran Zou Shiming’s IP operation very successfully. Then Zou Shiming said, “The way to manage finances is to hand the money to your wife to manage.” That’s a very foolish persona. Because Chinese people have this weird obsession with certain personas—for example, Deng Chao and others who like to show on camera that they fear their wife, as if that makes them a good man, and makes them more marketable. This market preference causes these men like Deng Chao to enjoy performing in public, while Zou Shiming, who has less contact with the world, went in that direction for real. What冉莹颖 did early on was a low-asset matchmaking business—she only matched Zou Shiming and the resource side. Can one person truly be that amazing on their own? Why would she need to manage your money to achieve her career? Give her a little money; wouldn’t she use her own ability to operate and succeed? Why does she need to manage all your assets? If giving a little money can’t even get started, then how does it prove she’s so great at running a business?

Of course, this isn’t to say that冉莹颖 has a problem. It’s that Zou Shiming’s understanding of these things is also very shallow. They moved from a closed world to an open world. Because they succeeded in the closed world, starting in the open world puts them in a “high-tier venue.” In high-tier venues, hunters won’t use the crude methods that hunters do in low-tier venues. But they do have an instinctive ability to identify their prey. People like Zou Shiming and Huang Shengyi—anyone can casually “eat” them. But people like沈腾, 黄渤, 徐峥, 邓超, 黄磊—they’ve always just cooperated normally; they don’t think about “eating” them. If you look at how Huang Bo said that the higher you go, the more good people there are—that’s because he can identify traps himself. Otherwise, where would the “good people” come from? If you can’t manage assets, then there won’t be good people anywhere.

In a craft, you specialize. No matter what you want to do, you have to learn it yourself—step by step, from small to big. You have to experience the traps along the way and solve each detail problem one by one. Yes, you have to be competent first; professional matters can’t be handed completely to professionals, otherwise it’s better not to do it. Because first, you can’t tell whether the other party is truly professional or fake-professional—you can’t just listen to them hype you up. Second, you don’t know whether they’ll help you or坑 you—you can’t just judge by whether the relationship is close. And finally, the money must be used for trial and error by you personally. Because only the mistakes you try yourself become experience that grows on your own. If other people use your money to try and make mistakes, even if you both end up losing in the end, the other party has gained growth—you haven’t. #夏日创作营