I woke up twice again last night, opened the app to check my positions. It was just an unrealized loss, but my heart rate was three times faster than when I was in profit. Kind of funny — the numbers are the same, but when they're green I can close the app and sleep; when they're red, I think "let's wait a bit more," and end up waiting until 3 AM.

I used to think I was calm about risk, since I monitor liquidation thresholds every day and my spreadsheets are more detailed than anyone's. But when it comes to real account drawdown, I still can't help calculating "what if I hadn't opened this position"... Forget it, let's just leave it as is. As long as I don't get liquidated, it's a win. Tonight I'll try leaving my phone in the living room.