I got liquidated again. $BTC
Three times in a row, completely wiped out. The capital I had slowly saved up during this period, the sense of security I had gradually built, and the confidence I had painstakingly developed were all reduced to zero overnight.
Only a few months into the market, I had read many books, stayed up countless late nights, seen through human nature, reviewed my mistakes, made peace with myself time and again, and rebuilt my discipline time and again.
I had naively believed:
I understand so much, have experienced so much, and suffered so many times—I should be able to control myself by now.
It was precisely this presumed sense of control that quietly destroyed me.
The biggest flaw I feel right now has never been an inability to understand the market, but failing to create physical separation for myself.
All my funds were concentrated in the same account, and all my gains and losses were laid out within the same line of sight. $ETH
There were no boundaries, no separation, and no rigid system.
I overestimated human willpower.
Based on what I feel now: human nature is an instinct engraved in our genes, an automatic reaction evolved over hundreds of thousands of years. Many times, it cannot be easily defeated through subjective mindset and self-reminders alone. Of course, people are constantly changing and will gradually evolve; it is just that, at present, I am still unable to withstand my instincts through willpower alone.
When I am calm, I am clear-minded, rational, and lucid; I understand all the principles.
But once my emotions take over, the weaknesses of human nature described by Kahneman instantly become reality:
System 1, the instinctive brain, directly hijacks everything, while rational System 2 completely goes offline. $LAPTOP
At that moment, all my discipline, all my reviews, all my self-restraint, and every vow I had made became void.
The market will never treat you gently just because you work hard, accumulate experience, or understand a lot.
It is very realistic:
It can easily deliver a heavy blow the moment you let your guard down, become overconfident, or grow careless. $BEAT
Three consecutive liquidations knocked me straight back to my original state.
That pain instantly took me back to my first few years of trading.
That helplessness of being completely emptied, that collapse of self-denial, and that suffocating feeling of all my efforts going to waste once again swept through my entire body.
At that moment, I lost all curiosity about the world.
My soul seemed to drift endlessly, wandering by the roadside, in the dead of night, among the woods, and in the corners of deserted temples.
I was clearly alive, yet being alive felt like torment.
All the growth I had achieved over these years appeared extraordinarily fragile in the face of one emotional breakdown.
This is what I have realized at this moment:
The reason it is so difficult to unite knowledge and action is often not that we lack understanding, but that it is difficult to fight our innate instincts.
Without physical separation or institutional constraints, and relying solely on willpower, a trading career is long and one will experience thousands upon thousands of market cycles in a lifetime.
Countless instances of stability, countless profitable trades, and countless safe outcomes cannot withstand a single loss of control when obsession takes over.
I am not trading; I am gambling.
I trade to make money, open positions to recover losses, and compete in the market out of unwillingness to accept defeat. $ZEC
I have not truly taken the time to experience trading itself.
I have gradually realized that trading should be a form of self-cultivation, a battle of logic, and a tempering of one’s character.
It should not be completely held hostage by profit and loss or controlled by numbers.
Even if it is difficult to fully let go at this stage, I hope to try to adjust:
Half reverence for profit and loss, half enjoyment of trading.
No longer trade to gamble, but follow the rhythm and experience trading itself.
Only after coming this far have I realized:
As trading progresses, technique, foresight, and judgment are certainly important, but a heart that remains as tranquil as possible and is less disturbed by greed and fear is something truly precious.
I will not evade or gloss over the pain this time.
I will record how I feel right now.
From now on, I will no longer overestimate who I am in the present.
I will not place complete hope in willpower; I will prioritize physical separation.
I will not place complete hope in self-control; I will use systems to provide myself with a safety net.
