Let’s hurry up and give Trump the Nobel Peace Prize so he’ll stop making noise

On April 21, Brazilian President Lula threw a “sugar-coated cannonball” in Lisbon, Portugal.
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The original words were: “You can see Trump say every day that he’s ended eight wars, but he still hasn’t won the Nobel Peace Prize. To prevent any more wars, just give him the award already.”

Put it in plain language: give it to him—let him shut up.

(Even more bluntly: Get him a bone, so you can fool this dog, and don’t let it bite again.)
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Lula couldn’t have picked a better timing. Four days ago, Trump just upgraded his “war record” from eight to ten—Iran, Israel-Lebanon clashes, all counted as his. By this logic, an aircraft carrier heading to the Middle East is called “peace patrol,” a strait blockade is “peace control,” and oil tankers being seized are “peace storage.” As long as his voice is loud enough, it’s him who “ended wars” by persuading others.

(Translation: I participate in the fighting, but I call for a stop, so I’m the peacemaker.)
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The whole world has discovered the code to deal with Trump. Last year, leaders from five African countries went to the White House to suggest nominating him for the peace prize. Trump immediately loosened tariffs on the spot and even pulled the president of Liberia aside to ask, “Why is your English so good?”—not knowing that people’s mother tongue is English in the first place. The Israeli prime minister was even more direct: on the spot, he said he was nominating Trump and even brought along a photocopy of the nomination letter.

(Translation: Praise him—he floats; coax him—he smiles. One Nobel-style joke, tried-and-true every time.)

The playbook is just eight words: coax him, and there are benefits.

But this time Lula isn’t coaxing—he’s mocking. You want the prize, don’t you? Fine, here you go. If you get it, won’t you no longer need to prove you “ended wars” by fighting?

(Translation: You talk big every day about how you stop fights—aren’t you just after a piece of candy? Here’s your candy. Stop pretending.)

Absurd, but it fits Trump like a glove with no gaps. A person who can call an ongoing military strike a “peace achievement” is impossible to reason with using normal people logic. After all, he doesn’t even know Liberia’s mother tongue—so how would he understand the sarcasm coming from Brazil?
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